When times are tough... keep running and keep your head up!

This year has been, so far, like my first year of teaching all over again; learning new rules, new ways of doing things, different ways of teaching, teaching a different language, etc, etc. And, like my first year of teaching, I have been trying to do what I thought was the right thing, modeling my behavior from what I see and observe. But, after teaching for 7 years one thing I have learned is that to be an effective teacher, you really need to just be yourself.

My first 2 months here were mostly filled with “the highs” and I hadn’t had too many lows. Well, as the lows started coming, I was finding myself battling negative thoughts, homesickness, and frustration. Now, this isn’t a daily thing, but I do think that the “honeymoon period” is over, and reality has set it. I was at a bit of a loss on how to battle this; what do I do to make sure I don’t fall into some pit of Mexican despair where I just sit around and eat enchiladas all day and watch telenovelas? I don't have the group of American Buddies I had when I lived in Spain so I'm going through this alone. I do have a few Fulbrighters close by, but its different. We're teaching in different schools and we don't get to see each other that often.

On one particularly bad day, I got home and was angry. With whom? Why? What happened? A series of rather unpleasant events, yes, like hearing the thud of a man’s head as the metro struck him as it approached. He seemed ok (a little dazed!) and was bleeding down his face, but I think he was alright. I had noticed that people stand ridiculously close to the trains as they approach, like if they don’t get as close as possible they’re not going to get on that train. It was a little scary and gave me that awful feeling in your stomach like after you see a car accident or something. I just couldn’t shake that feeling once I got home.

That, and other things that were bothering me, sent me spiraling down. I got home and told myself, “I need to do something about this.” I was feeling so bad, so negative, that I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t like it. I knew I needed to go for a run and get out of my apartment, but it was hard. Enchiladas and telenovelas were calling me… but, I strapped on the Asics and headed to my new favorite place to run, a one-kilometer loop in the greater Chapultepec Park that circles the Gandhi statue. I told myself as I approached that I was going to run more than I had since I’d gotten here, that I’ve been building up and finally feeling ok when I run, and that I needed to control SOMETHING, achieve SOMETHING. After only having run 5 kilometers at the most, I set out to run 8 kilometers (close to 5 miles). With every step I started to feel better, and as I completed the last lap (which I later figured out was 9, not 8, my math skills haven’t improved in Mexico, obviously!), my negative feelings where gone.

I came to Mexico for many reasons, but pursuing my “career” as an athlete was something that I had accepted as being ok on the backburner for a year. Yes, I walk to school 3 days a week (about an hour each way) and yes, I do my yoga, but I hadn’t really been as active as I’m used to being. I had been running occasionally, but I think I was trying too hard to be someone who I’m not. I really need to remember that, even though I’m living in a foreign country, I am still ME. I like to eat apples with peanut butter, I like Starbucks, and I am an athlete.

I joined a volleyball team (more about that later) and I’ve decided that I need to run more. Signing up for the 10k in Monterrey was a great idea and it was so fun! While I was running, I thought, “Why do I do this? There’s no one waiting for me at the finish line, there’s no prize for me, so why?” As I came down the stretch to cross the finish, I knew why. It’s so much of who I am, why I do what I do. Why do I teach when there isn’t much hope of making a lot of money, nor a lot of praise? Well, when you cross that finish line, that feeling of ACHIEVING something…. that’s it. I think I’m finally remembering who I am. I teach because I feel like I can achieve something with my hard work, and I don’t always get a prize or a thank you. I run because of the way it makes me feel and because I know I’ve accomplished a goal. I don’t win and ya’ll know I’m not fast. It’s not always about what you’re going to get back, rather what you put into it. The rewards you get are that feeling of, wow, look what I can do. In my toughest of moments I hope I can remember this.

Oh, yeah, and the endorphins are great, too. J