Living in a Lawless Country

As I sat at a table on the sidewalk of a café, I couldn’t help but be annoyed at the smoke that drifted over from the woman sitting next to me. Normally, I wouldn’t have been so bothered by the smoke because if I choose to sit outside, I know that I will be sitting next to folks that like to light up. That’s fine. But this particular café, quaint and over-looking the green of Parque México in La Condesa, had “No Smoking” signs placed on every table. This woman decided to just hide that sign and enjoy her cigarette. I try not to let my mind think that, if I were at home, I would say something to her or to the waitress but here, there’s no point. The waitress, working for the establishment that put up those signs, chose to ignore them just like the woman did. Why would anyone bother following the rules when no one is going to enforce them?

I had an interesting conversation with one of my classes one day about this. I had heard that driving while talking on a cell phone was illegal here but I was shocked because I ALWAYS see people driving and talking on the phone. I know that at home people still do it, but I also know of several people that have gotten tickets for texting or talking on the phone. The law exists and people are punished when they are caught. Not here. “So, it IS illegal to drive while using a cell phone?” I asked them. “Oh, yes, but no one pays attention to that.” Huh. Guess they haven’t taken Oprah’s pledge.

These are all small reminders of the larger reality that I’m living right now. There are laws, there are police, but no one seems to care. I got upset and became an Ugly American in my mind. “Things would be so much better if…”. As difficult as it is, I try to not let my mind think that way. The point of me being here is to learn about the way of life here, not criticize or try to “fix” things. I turned my frustration into a small gratitude for humanity. I mean, this city has millions of people living here. Yes, there is crime and plenty of law breaking, but there is also a huge population of law-abiding citizens who follow the rules because they are good people, not because they think they will get caught if they don’t. I think that says a lot. Or maybe I’m just reaching for some optimism….

We recently received an email from our Fulbright people warning us about the recent travel advisory released by the US Department of State. The email contained a link about “how to be safe” while living/traveling in Mexico. At first I didn’t want to read it. It might tell me not to do things that I really like doing, like running. I finally did read it and I wasn’t too surprised by what it said to do and what not to do. Don’t wear flashy jewelry. Check. I haven’t worn jewelry since I got here, except my running watch. Don’t wear designer clothing. Hmmmm… do my worn out 7’s count? Or, what about that tiny little “swoosh” that is on most of my running clothes? Kidnapping, street crime, harassment/extortion, drug trafficking. Don’t use ATM’s that have direct access to the street. Oops. Closest one to my house is in the Torre Mayor, but step outside of the glass case and you’re on the street. Back to the mall ATM’s I will go. The website goes on and on… so much crime, so little reason for the criminals to NOT commit these crimes. Except for that whole humanity thing I’m going to hold on to… I have to believe that millions of good people exist in this urban jungle of crime.

(If you’re interested in reading the Department of Sates website, here is the link: http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_970.html)

The Real World... not just a show on MTV

Why haven’t you written in your blog? How are you doing? What’s going on?

I thought I was fine. I knew things were different, but I was okay. I went to work everyday. I came home. I was fine.

But, I didn’t want to write about what was going on in Mexico anymore. I think I didn’t want people to see that my perspectives had changed. Before, Mexico had been a place that I had yearned for, had fought for, and had loved. Now, well, it’s different. I still love it but the way I see things is no longer through those rose colored glasses that I had seen it through before. I knew Mexico was dangerous and I knew that I had to be careful but I still saw it as the land of Mariachis, tequila, fresh tortillas, and the beloved Spanish language. I felt like I couldn’t’ just write about my crazy adventures because I’d be lying. Underneath it all, I was battling a ghost.

This ghost, my Fear, had begun to make my decisions for me. I didn’t go to several of the places that I used to go to because I was too scared to… they were too close to, on the way to, or in the general neighborhood of where my friends and I got held up. It took me about 3 months to even realize this.

Today I am sitting at the old Starbucks I used to come to all of the time to hopefully catch a glimpse of one of my Mexican loves (the actors that I’m in love with). I haven’t been here since November because to get here I have to walk by the street, only about 2 or 3 blocks from where a guy pointed a gun at me. I told myself yesterday, “Tomorrow you are going to that Starbucks. You are going there and you are going to blog. You are going to start leading your life and stop letting Fear do it.” Well, I made it here. Step one accomplished.

I think my recent realizations of the way I had been living my life since the robbery has helped me start to see Mexico the way I used to. I don’t think I’ll ever get back the innocence of it because, apart from some money, my innocence and my sense of security are what they took from me. I see Mexico now more realistically. I know that dangerous things happen here because it happened to me. But, like any true love, you need to learn to love the person (or place) for who they really are. Take the good and the bad. I’m hoping that my love for Mexico at the end of this journey is strengthened by the fact that I love Mexico for what it really is, not just what I had thought, had seen in movies, or had heard from friends.

My last blog was about how I was using running to cope with the hard times. I remember feeling that way; that I had achieved so much by learning how to cope. I felt like I had all of the answers. Just when I thought I knew how to handle my difficulties, I was thrown a curveball and a fastball at the same time. How do you hit that? I was recently asked, “What have you learned from this experience so far?” Wow… I was surprised when I didn’t have the words. I have learned so much that I can’t even begin to express it. One of those things is how strong I am. Many things have happened to make this year a challenge for me, but here I sit. I’m writing about it. I’m okay.

I know that things aren’t necessarily going to get easier in my last 4 months here, nor will they continue to be easy once I get home (I have been reading about schools in California…. Oh, my), but I am learning that I am the one who decides how I’m going to handle every challenge, every curveball, and every fastball. I am the one who will either allow Fear to rule my life or not. Today I decided to take the lead.